Joanna Online Therapy
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- Are you feeling anxious about world events?
If so, you're not alone. We live in extremely challenging times and the proliferation of news, available 24/7, can make it hard to escape. It's perfectly understandable to feel anxious in the face of all this. In fact, our bodies are designed to react in this way to situations that feel overwhelming or out of our control. It's nature's way of letting us know that something doesn't feel right. Acknowledging that anxiety is a reasonable and proportionate response can help you to feel more attuned, and can also free you to focus on what you can do. Here are some suggestions for ways you can work with, rather than against, the anxiety: Take time to think about what you need in the moment . For example, if you feel like crying, let the tears come. They will pass and, afterwards, you're likely to feel a little better. Are there people you would like to be with and, if so, can you arrange to be with them? Are there places that bring you comfort and, if so, can you get to them? Is there anyone you can call, in the moment, who can listen to how you're feeling without trying to 'fix' you? If you're feeling powerless, acknowledge it's true that there are things we are powerless to change. Then, afterwards, move your focus to the things you can do. For example, could you join a group, locally or online, to try and influence events? Could you talk to your local MP about things that might come under their remit? Could you volunteer for a charity that is actively tackling the issues that are troubling you? Change happens incrementally and every little step you take can make a difference. Think about your strengths and how you might best use them. Focusing on what you can do reconnects you with your sense of agency. Take a broader view of your life and how you're living it. This is about putting yourself back in control by checking in with yourself about your choices. One way of doing this is to imagine yourself in the future and ask your future self if you have any regrets. Taking the time to do this gives you the opportunity to consider whether the choices you are making, now, are aligned with what you want from life. If they aren't, you can do something about it now, before it's too late. Whether it's a simple "I love you" to someone you have never told, or finding ways to spend more time with certain people, or ticking an item off your bucket list, this will never be time wasted. Making aware choices by keeping the bigger picture in mind, helps you regain a sense of control over your life. Remind yourself of all the things in your life that are good . It can be easy to forget these things when you're feeling anxious, so set aside some time to list all the things you're grateful for. This will get you back in touch with the feelings associated with those things and, in doing this, the anxiety takes a back seat for a while. In short, I am advocating a combination of acceptance (not in the sense of giving up, but in the sense of knowing limitations) and reclaiming your agency. You are not denying any part of yourself, rather, you are acknowledging that all these responses and feelings can, and do, co-exist. To cement this for yourself you might say "Yes, there are things happening in the world that are causing me to feel anxious AND there is also much in my life that I can control and that I appreciate and enjoy".
- Reclaiming a sense of control
Do you ever feel that your emotional wellbeing is in the hands of others? Do you find yourself having thoughts such as - ‘If only they would … then I could …’ or ‘If they didn’t keep … I wouldn’t have to …’ This happens to us all at times and, when it does, we can find ourselves putting a lot of energy into trying to change the other person. Trying to make them behave in a way that suits us. This, however, is a short-term strategy. Even if we’re successful, we haven’t solved the underlying problem of being reliant on the other person for our sense of wellbeing. A longer-term solution can be to ask 3 simple questions: 1. ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’ In asking this question, you begin to look beyond the current frustration and imagine what it would be like if the other person doesn’t change. What would happen then? By exploring the scenario you are trying to avoid, you gain a clearer sense of it. As you begin to flesh out the detail, you can ask the second question: 2. ‘What might I do if that were to happen?’ Now you are looking to yourself for answers. What would you do if the worst were to happen? As you ask this question you are likely to start identifying the resources you might draw on. For example, who might you turn to for support? What actions might you take to deal with the situation? Now you are in a position to ask the third question: 3. ‘Do I want to do anything about this now?’ Having identified how you might cope in the worst case scenario, you have choices. Do you want to start putting a plan in place now, using the resources you’ve identified? Or perhaps you feel more in control already, simply by having recognised that a) you would cope and b) how you would do it. In both cases, you are no longer reliant on the other person’s choices for you to feel OK. We often have more agency than we realise.
- The hidden value in being bored
These days, many of us find it hard to tolerate boredom. We're quick to reach for our phones whenever we're at a loose end. Doing this, though, stops our minds from wandering, which means we don't discover where our minds would take us if we let them roam for a while. So next time you find yourself reaching for your phone because you're bored, try waiting ten minutes or so before you pick it up. In freeing your mind from task-focused activity, you allow it space for creativity. Notice what comes into that space. This is often a time when new ideas, or solutions to underlying problems, can emerge. Making the time to do this regularly can be incredibly rewarding. (Please note: this suggestion may not be appropriate for anyone with unresolved trauma. In that instance, listen to your body and don't force anything that deepens anxiety.)
- Novel Insights
As a passionate reader, I sometimes come across a sentence or paragraph in a novel that I believe captures an essential truth of what it is to be human. Not only are these a joy to discover, they also offer the opportunity to reflect on the challenges that face us all. On my 'Novel Insights' site I have gathered a few of my favourite excerpts and combined them with therapeutic insights. I hope they offer a fresh take on some of the concepts we therapists hold in mind as we sit with our clients - as well as glimpses into various literary gems! To read a few Novel Insights, click here : www.novelinsights.co.uk